just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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