Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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