Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I puked a lego.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
