I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
