bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
