he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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