saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
