We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
