Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
