Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He felt like a one man threesome
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
