you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
