i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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