I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
