I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
