I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it's like iHOP with fire
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
