So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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