Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
