im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
