does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
