neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
