Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
