Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
