Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
