You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
