i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so let's talk penis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
