The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
