What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
