We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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