There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
