You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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