Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
