Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
