I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love having hate sex.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
