I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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