I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This house was built for laser tag.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
