i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
