video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
