a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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