Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
