Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
