i need an iv and a liver transplant
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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