Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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