Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
