he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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