you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
