GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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