There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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