i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
