Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
