she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
