Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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