I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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