I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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