How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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