mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
