U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
