I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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