Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize