Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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