Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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