I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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