I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
