My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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