im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
