I just cut my nipple shaving
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
